Some people say I'm a mean person but that isn't true, I have the heart of a sweet girl.... In a jar on my desk

Needs

Friday

Tomorrow and Sunday of with my lovely little heart, I hope we get to sleep in but might go early to bed again. 

Don't feel super rested since yesterday early bed but there is still hope. 

Just payed all the bills that doesn't charge automatically and after work and daycare we are going shopping food with my mom. 

Next week I work 31,5 or 51 hours, I will know today if I get the new job but I really hope so. Gonna work the crap out of myself so I can work less later. Have a pond of money to take of xD 

Ohh I miss Rory, very much.

Time to take my tiny human to daycare

Monday

Finally!

In 25 minutes he lands so he should be here sooooon! 

Gonna hug him and steal his heat. 

I'm freezing. And there Was such a lack of sleep i'm almost falling to sleep now. 

But work twice today. Little on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday.

Then I'm gonna pick up my kid. I wish Rory could be here every week when I don't have p but that don't work.

Would be good cos I wouldn't have time missing anyone;) 

Sad and salty

Are I'm just feeling a little hurt, I wanna crawl up in bed and cry my eyes out so I can move pass this feeling. I would like to say he didn't mean to but on same time he actually did it on purpose so I guess it means... It was... So yeah, a little hurt but working on moving pass it. 

It will just take an hour or two, since he realised it was a fuckupthing to do. 

This is a blog

Going to work this early when its kinda cold sucks 

Words

I'm not sure what to say in here today, I've been silent for some days now I think which was unlucky cos tonight I have so much on my mind and I don't even wanna speak about it. I need to go to sleep. But today was. I don't know. Really. Strange. Got support as expected, much support where I didn't expect in and very little where I thought there would be much. So well. Strange indeed.

Goid night

House project

So gonna build two nightstands for like a fourth of the amount it would cost to buy the ones I like. Like. Seriously. Well gonna bouillon them and paint them in a good colour that isn't decided yet and put cute girly knobs on them. Gonna be great. 

So that's my first home project in this appartment.

Also I talked to vira today, an very old archeage friend that I apperantly haven't talked to in like 10 months so he has missed a lot. He has birthday today so I poked him to say gratz and that I still miss his voice on ts.

And even more important, kid is here now and I'm so happy! My heart is big today :)

Night night

Again one of those nights where My heart  feels cold and misses its biggest pieces.

Can't wait for Monday to come.

When I get to pick up my tiny human.

When he is back where he belongs.

With his mom.

Ohh I miss him terrible much, it's like I'm not even really alive. 

But now it's just tomorrow with 10 work hours left, early on Monday we cuddle and watch movies again :) 

So

Yesterday Was a pretty big day maybe. At least it Was an Anniversary day. It was two years since I pored out Coke in the sink making a decision never to drink it again. The first weeks was hardest, Ofc, but nowadays it's very easy. 

Last year I didn't eat much candy or drank other sodas as well and I might be going back to that. Gonna eat more clean and real, heathy food and workout everyday. I need more muscles and look pretty. And ong I sleep very well when body and brain is exhausted. So yeah. This year is all about me!

I'm gonna get in the best shape ever and nothings gonna stop me this Time.

When zindai and i go on our sun vacation we gonna be hot and sexy ;) 

Btw its saturday and i'm at work

Friday

I have already done todays workout.

Also picked up the new sink.

Cleaned the living room kitchen bathroom hallway and kids room. 

Saving mine for tomorrow so I have something to do between works. 

Cos this is a work weekend.

On Monday I'll pick my lovely little tiny human up to spend a week with him.

Apparently his dad might get a new work in the end of summer so kid will be living here full time then which I'm hoping for Ofc :) 

Torsdag

Så idag fick jag prata med bildningsförvaltningen om det här med fakturor och att dom har pratat med min exman om mina fakturor. Vilket ju bryter mot sekretesslagen. Vilket jag påpekade för dom kan man säga. Väldigt tydligt att jag var upprörd. Nu den här gången var det om en skitsak men man vet ju aldrig till nästa gång så jag känner att det är viktigt att visa vad som är acceptabelt eller inte.
Så klart var ju människan som gjort detta inte där. Men hennes kollega  tog ett  meddelande och imorgon kommer jag att få ett samtal och en ursäkt. Vilket jag förtjänar. Hon ska vara glad att jag inte anmäler hennes brott mot sekretessen.

Ohh and I also gonna pick up my new sink tomorrow :) Gonna clean and see if my dad has time to put it in tomorrow :)

time fro a new "30 day challange"

yeah totally is, has been way to long since the last one xD
And yeah, frankly i have been so fucking lazy but you know, you get to buy new clothes as rewards :P

First day of 30 day challenge
40 high knees
20mountain climbers
10 dumbbell bench press
2 judo push up
5 dumbbell flyes
2 spiderman push up
4 cat and cow
5 pilates roll up
1 locust
10 sec wall sit
5 reverse flyes
10 bridge pullover
2 renegade rows
10 sec superman
5 lunges
10 dumbbell deadlift
2 kickbacks
10 bridge pulses
5 push ups
5 dips
10 biceps curls
10 sec punches
20 sec jumping jack
20 sec mountain climbers
20 sec jumrope
20 sec skaters
5 lateral lunges
10 scissors
5 fire hydrants
5 plie squat pulses
5 woodchoppers
5 side plank
10 ankle touches
10 russian twist
10 upright rows
5 side lateral raise
10 shoulder press
5 shoulder rotation
15 sit ups
5 crunches
5 leg raises
10 sec plank

this is for cardio, chest, posture, back, butt, arm, thigh, oblique, shoulders and abs.
which explains why somethings are twice.
i  will not tell you my syartingpoint but in 30 days i hope i feel comfterable enough to share my finish line with you.
Not gonna write the whole list everyday, just once in a while so you can see how it grows with reps :P

Onsdag

Well as we all know today i have been working. To be fair I am still for about 45 minutes more. (And two hours tonight) 

Ohh as you might have noticed yesterday I was pretty unhappy since I was moved and to say the least i Was not very comfortable with this move. It gave me a big deal of anxiety and I had troubles fighting panic attacks. Don't get me wrong, it's not a terrible job, it's just, I e never been here by myself before. And the day I was here to learn routines and such was messed up. Therefore I know nothing. I don't like knowing nothing. Don't like it at all. Therefore my mood was totally disaster. The clock sounded so loud I was afraid the day would go so slow.

But I arrive at work, we talked about it and I said I know nothing I don't feel good and got the answer they had no expectations and yeah, usually that's not really a nice thing to hear but today it eased my pain. The nine hours went by pretty fast, it wasn't terrible, it felt acctually pretty good. 

Then it was time to go home, dropped all my food on the floor, head was exploding and my life sucked hairy goat balls. Was suppose to try to rest but didn't work so tonight I'll sleep with my piano music on again.

Tomorrow it starts with dropping by zindais work and look at some shopping.

Staff meeting.

Walk my brothers dog.

Pick up my kid. 

And when he isn't here I'm gonna clean.

Friday I gonna sleep half the day cos  I only work late shift.

Tuesday

Already unhappy about tomorrow, i have been moved on work so gonna be on another place. A place where i do not really feel like i fit in or feel comfortable at all which is giving me a little (a lot) of anxiety. I tried to beat it down with cleaning which basicly didn't work but hey at least kitchen, living room and bed room are very clean now. 

And since I am moved my hours changed so has my plans for tomorrow totally been messed up. I was suppose to deep clean the entire house but yeah, guess work don't care about that.

I will just focus on my gold. 9 hours is pretty nice amount of gold.

And well I need it.

London in June/July and Spain in November. 

Today I had lunch date with zindai, such good food. After that we walked the dogs and then we had tea date at her place.

Thursday is staff meeting, picking up my kid and eat cookies together.

Will bring up this work I don't like and some other stuff. 

Friday I'll get my deep cleaning and work a little. 

Saturday and Sunday are all work and then next week of except one meeting and Friday and the week after that my boyfriend is back <3

And that is it I think.

At least for today. 

Can't wait for Monday! 

Till min son

Idag var dagislämningen hemsk, både för dig och mig. Jag vet inte vem som har mest separationsångest utav oss.

Jag försöker säga att det blir roligt hos pappa och att snart är du hos mamma igen men det gör ont, mitt mammahjärta brister varje dag du inte är här hos mig och jag vill inget hellre än att du bor här.

Mitt härliga fantastiska underbara hjärteknytte, jag känner mig så tom utan dig. Du är mammas allt! 

Godnatt min skatt, kaninen giraffen och hunden säger också godnatt där dom ligger på din kudde i mammas säng.

Mamma älskar dig Phoenix <3

Monday

Wasn't really as planned but that's okay.

It was a Monday. 

Nothing much to do about it.

Drown my brothers sister to the doctor.

Worked.

Shopped.

Stacked up on softener this Time.

Ops.

But Ey it Was cheap.

In bed at good time.

Laundry 7 in the morning tomorrow so redid the bed now xD

Nap before zindai gets here for lunch tomorrow and between machines, very nice.

Then I'm gonna walk her and the dogs.

It was snowing earlier but now it all melted away/rained away.

14 days and I get to go to bed with my man, can't wait <3

Sunday

So tomorrow a new work week start, can you feel my super excitement about that? It's my busy work week which means the week will go by in a swish.

Week after that it's me and the kid all week long with just a tiny work booked.

Week after that it's time for a visit from my boyfriend again. 

Time flies by.

This time we gonna try figure out the summer. Preliminary book dates and so for when we are here and when we are in England and such. 

And by then (summer) he might be here a lil more to get to know my tiny human :) 

Since we are acctually getting there anyway you know, with him moving here and being my happily ever after. So maybe a lil time on a kidweek as well since tiny human really likes him this far.

Got to introduce him as a friend and such but it should be fine.

As I said, we will plan it and be careful for the tiny human.

Other than that my head hurts and I'm always tired it seems.

Also my period-calculator-app says I'm off schedule but since I have the birth control thing in my arm I don't even have it all the time xD so yeah I'm totally not worried due to those reasons. So why I even have it? For the future I guess, trying to keep a little track of it at least xD

Anyways, here there will be no babies yet if they come.

Good night

Saturday

Spent a lot of money on shopping today.

All on food. 

So all good. 

Need to buy clothes and home-stuff to tho. 

Damn wish for showing me all the great stuffs.

Made My bff crying today.

Cos i bought her milk.

So now i have her milk in My fridge and she is crying.

Just vid i noticed it Was almost out.

I have Aldo emptyed My phone, 1912 pics/vids moved from phone to computer.

Damn.

I'm a photo hoarder xD

Anyway it's all done and just like all the other times I've done it I'll try to be more careful and empty it more often :p 

Got whispers today, ballsdeep. 

Felt very nice.

Dahuta with all fallen guys xD and me xD

Gemmed my pants so now they have two.

My head has been hurting a little all through the day, should go to sleep crazy early but yeah, not gonna happen xD

Sunday tomorrow and with that its Monday :/

Work week and alone week.

And yes I do love my work.

Working 7 days now and then off 7 days. 

And then my bf is here. For a week! Ohh I miss him very much.

Snapchat is going well to.

I might fall asleep any second so tired xD

Friday

Oh havent Blogged yet so I guess this is it.

My tiny human is still not 100%, but no nap today, just very cranky and easy moody.

We went shopping and each that's it

So yeah

I have met someone that is so special that I actually walking around smiling. And you know what, I don't care some people think it's to soon after divorce or that the boy is younger than me, I am happy, he is happy, his parents approves and my parents are happy for me so what is the big deal...

I am so afraid I'll screw this up. How? I don't know, but the thought of losing this person is terrifying to say the least.

The future.. Who knows, I just know that right know this is all I ever wanted.

(I know you are reading this and I love you)

What day is it today?

No one knows and it's a little like a moo point, you know. Might be Wednesday but I'm not totally sure.

My kid is sick so spent half the night on couch. 

Last week i spent with someone really special, someone I love with all my heart and someone I am happy that I get to call mine. So therefor it's been low on updates ;) I was so busy cuddling him you know.

Other than that I don't really have so much news for you guys.

My brother and his girlfriend and my bestie is coming for tea tomorrow and planning some stuff and so, giving my brother their Christmas gifts and such.

Left guild in my game (archeage) and it's been loooots baguette english, heard I wasn't trying enough, said I was invited to iron... Talking... So gonna stay guileless with my love a lil 

Ops

I almost didnt blog but its okay now.

Haha.

Its almost tomorrow!!!!

Fucking finally!!!!!

Saturday

My parents came to visit. Dad fixed my light so now every room, yay. 

Also my bff was here today, foods dessert and movies.

Tikka masala, chocolate mousse and inside out.

Smashed two glass... 

Soon time to put my tiny human to bed, cos tomorrow we have some cleaning to do and on Monday we get up early, go to daycare and play and then I go to the airport. 

Note to self: wash your hair and shave your legs. 

I feel super excited and nervous and happy - damn I feel so lucky. Can't believe this amazing boy is mine 

Friday

A little work today

Not so much but enough i guess

Mom picked me up and we picked up My little boy and went shopping for friday sweets since i promised him movies and cuddels tonight :) 

Before that the mommy has a little cleaning to do :p

So much

Thinking going on that I don't really wanna talk about right now but it's gonna get fixed. 

Today I'm gonna wash my hair

Wednaysday

Took a nap most of the day, did some laundry, zindais christmas gift (finally) arrived, tea with an old friend, lots of cpd watched. Some pvp.

Tomorrow I'll wash my hair, dishes, fold all the laundry and vacuum. 

Super exciting I guess xD

Well.. Yeah kinda. 

It's adult stuff so the adult has to do it you know.

(Omg I'm so Inlove) 

Tuesday

Dropped the kid of at daycare, even tho he didn't wanna go, he slept pretty good when he finally fell asleep. Cos apperantly he couldn't sleep at daddys so he got to sleep in yesterday.... Not helpful really...

Breakfast with zindai. 

Gonna clean a little today, some easy stuff like dishes and vacuuming and litter box. Just to keep us ahead of the mess ;) 

Monday

Colored hair today

Picked up My kid

One week till My man gets here

All is fine :p

Such a long day

And almost collision course all day, damnit!

Work work work. 

Tiny boss called. I called back. She didn't pick up so who knows what she wanted..

Tomorrow I gonna sleep in.

Pick up the kid.

Maybe fix my hair as well.

Or tonight. 

I always do it on impulse xD

21 more work minutes

Just another sunday...

... When i'm stuck at work.

Have to ve here early in case he/she wanna gets out if bed but usually not. Right now i'm relaxing on the couch. Feeling a little upset by the fact that i can't lay in My bed at home.

Anyway.

Its sunday, who cares.

Tonight i'm clocking out and tomorrow I will pick the kid up and have him for a week! I missed him s o much even tho I was there on Thursday and he came over yesterday for cookies with mom between moms shifts. 

Ohh hope workday goes fast, probably will cos today I brought my charger with me. 

And between shifts I'll do the dishes and small fixing stuff at home, maybe a nap and I gonna talk to my man <3

Ohh he is so hot... And mine

2016

Ohh I'm bad at this but okay let's give it a try. 2016 here we try.

People who follow me on Facebook and Instagram see the difference in me - and ofc people who knows me do.

First of I smile a lot more, like very much a lot more! 

I upload pictures of my house, my beautiful and well decorated and very clean house. I love it. Phoenix and I love it. We are very happy! So very happy and I think it shows. 

Living alone has been very eye opening and my soul feel relaxed and at peace.

Also I found someone, someone special. So yes, I guess you can say I have been started to date.. Or what I'm suppose to call it xD he is amazing and I really really like him, like a lot. He has such a pretty soul. It's kinda still little of a secret, but yeah, on the other side my boss says you don't get a rerun on life. So I gonna do it. 

He makes me very happy.

Other than that I work. Phoenix and work. It's going pretty good. I like my work. Taking a study break cos Phoenix is most important. He needs to land in all of this. 

My parents been really big help with moving and going to pick up furnitures I bought xD very supportive. 

I didn't make any New Years resolution beacuse I am good enough the way I am, I'm just gonna be more true to myself, not giving people more chances than they deserve when I know they are not gonna keep their promises. I gonna keep people around me that makes me happy. 

That's it for this time I think.

(Phoenix, mommy loves you)